Reflections on the passing of my beloved Papa, Peter Loewen, November 14, 1925 – July 14, 2016
Last Thursday, I received some very unexpected and sad news: my beloved grandfather—my Papa—had collapsed and died. We had celebrated his 90th birthday the October before. Despite his advanced age, he was still enjoying excellent health, mobility and vitality. He still drove competently. He walked daily. His mind was still clear and sharp.
After my initial shock and anguish passed, I began to fully comprehend the blessing of his passing. He had spent a glorious day in the summer sun at the beach with my aunt and uncle and their family—surrounded by a number of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. After a beautiful day, and good dinner together, he announced that he was heading out. He left the house and collapsed in their driveway. A good, quick death.
Since then, I have been reflecting the lessons he has taught me about living well. In my experience, my Papa wasn’t one for spouting truisms—he was too humble a man for that. The few times I ever asked him for advice, his answers were intelligent and practical. But, example speaks louder than words. So, I thought I would share with you just some of the lessons I learned from Papa.
My Top Ten List of Things I Learned from My Papa:
1. Make People Feel Good
I watched Papa at restaurants or interacting with the nurses who cared for my Nana. He liked people. And they liked him. Because he made people feel good. He was considerate and cheerful and generous with his smile and praise. He left people feeling happier than before they met him—and appreciated—he made people feel appreciated.
2. Try New Things
My husband, my girls and I love international food. We’ve taken Papa out for Japanese food, including sushi several times and he ate enthusiastically with us each time. He never hesitated or commented that something was too different for him. He even commented that he would return to the restaurant on this own “for a change”. He sincerely enjoyed trying new things and he embraced them.
3. Mind over Matter: You can do anything with enough will power.
My Papa had a will of iron. He had used it to overcome many hardships in his life. And he understood moderation. If he knew he needed to change something, he made the decision and changed. And he stuck to it.
4. Don’t Complain
Papa didn’t complain. In the last years with Nana, he occasionally discussed issues around Nana’s care. But, it was never with the intention to complain, or speak disparagingly—it was always with respect and the sincere intention of solving the problem. He didn’t vent and he didn’t find enjoyment in judging other peoples’ actions. He minded his own business.
5. Enjoy your Work: Do what you love and love what you do.
Some of my fondest memories with Papa date back to going on transport truck trips with him. Laying in the bunk of the cab. Eating pork rinds. Drinking creamers while we waited for our dinner in a good old-fashioned truck stop. Papa would let me drink the creamers and eat the butter patties straight! We ate a lot of butter together in our time. He loved to drive. He loved the road.
I also remember Papa’s barber shop—the candystripe pole—watching him talking cheerfully as he cut someone’s hair. When he couldn’t stand anymore to cut hair, he returned to trucking. He was practical—moreso, he practiced contentment.
6. Troubleshooting Skills: You don’t have to know how it works to fix it.
Papa had a natural capacity for fixing things. He was a clever, capable, resourceful man. One time, our old dryer broke. And he fixed it. Just like that. He just figured it out. I don’t tinker with motors but I think of him when I troubleshoot broken website code—I’m not a programmer but I follow his lead and just figure it out.
7. Complete the Job
Whether it was washing dishes, cutting the lawn, or trucking across Canada, Papa finished what he started. Papa committed himself fully to any and all tasks. When he started something, he finished it. He worked hard. He did what needed to be done—willingly, with determination, and to completion.
8 and 9. Be Loyal and Love One Another
I watched Papa’s devotion to Nana in their last years together with awe. His patience, dedication, and love. Nana and Papa may have experienced challenges, disappointments and frustrations, and even some heartbreak. But, Papa always treated Nana and, after her passing, spoke of Nana with the utmost respect and tenderness. He choose to remember the best times. He chose to focus on love, and it brought him, and all of us, happiness.
And, finally, number 10—the last lesson I learned from Papa about living well:
10. Leave on Good Terms
Maybe some of us had disagreements with Papa at one point or another in the past. Maybe there was a hard feeling or harsh word. But, I can’t remember. Because he healed wounds. He let go of any grievances from the past and he lived his last years in the present, in joy and contentment. From Papa, I learned gratitude and forgiveness and grace.
I learned from Papa that when it’s time to go, pack light. Embrace the journey, and hit the road without a fuss—after a full day in the sun and a good meal—with your sandals still on, and still full of sand from the beach.